The Spirituality of Staying Busy

Hello fellow readers! If you come from the Jewish or Christian faith background, you are probably familiar with the Sabbath (there maybe other faith traditions that practice something similar to the Sabbath but I am not sure). When I think of Sabbath, I think of silence, being still and relaxed. There is something spiritual in slowing down and not having to do anything. I, on the other hand, am going to play devil’s advocate and say that there is something spiritual about staying busy. I’m not disowning the Sabbath, or saying there is something wrong with being silent (silence is a spiritual practice that I sometimes return to) but I am saying that there is something spiritual in the chaos of being busy that often gets overlooked merely because people don’t like chaos.

To understand what I mean when I say there is something spiritual about busyness, I first have to explain my personality. Before orientation in New York, we had to take two online personality tests: Myers Briggs and the enneagram. I’m not a big fan of Myers Briggs simply because my answer changes every time I take it, I will go from a INFP to a ENFP back to a INFP to a INFJ. The Intuitive and the Feeling are the only ones that stay the same! As far as enneagram, it was my first time taking it so I can’t really articulate my opinion on how accurate it is, however it was accurate in my result, which was type 4, the Individualistic. I am a Romantic; I feel my emotions very strongly and have the superpower of being empathetic. However this is the double edge sword because it also means that I am the drama queen that can go from one emotional extreme to the next in 5 seconds. Now one of my YAV friends is shouting in my head, “Don’t put a label on yourself Julia!” I will take his advice and not be defined by these personality tests, but these personality tests do come in handy when trying to explain my personality to the house.

I’m sure everybody in the house will attest to the fact that I am a type 4 on the enneagram. I am the only type 4 in the house, as well as being a type 4 I am also an ambivert (someone with both extravert and introvert qualities), while my other housemates are introverts. I do not define them as introverts because they are more then just a label. It would be more accurate to say that they are people who tend to be more introverted. There is nothing wrong with this, but it has been internally difficult at times because I process energy and emotions very differently from the rest of them. Because I tend to be a Romantic, I will have extreme emotional spikes, which is very exhausting. So how do I process this? Well, for the most part I journal, draw and pray but I can only do that so much. What I mean by this is that I am one of those people who over thinks everything if I am left alone with my own thoughts. This is not a bad thing, but if I am not careful I can easily over think myself into a downward spiral of negativity, and it scares me. So as much as I love journaling, drawing, and time to myself, I have to be careful that I am not prone to begin those negative thoughts while I partake in those self-reflective activities.

That is why I love hanging out with people so much (this is the more extraverted part of me coming out), because if I am around people I am less prone to begin those negative thoughts. That is why I love staying busy; if I am busy I do not have time to let my mind wonder into some scary stuff. This has been very hard to express to people involved in the DOOR program, except a few, which is why I am currently reaching out to other YAVs (but that’s another story all together.) I respect that everybody in our house has different personalities but I feel like the other dwellers can’t empathize with me about the need for busyness, which has been very difficult for me alone. Overall, as much as I enjoy silence and as much as I think it is a beautiful spiritual practice, being busy is also a form of self-care for me because of my type of personality. I think there is something spiritual in staying busy if it is for the sake of my self-care.

That is part of the reason why I’ve felt the traditional YAV slump, because I have not been busy enough. Thanksgiving break was literally the worst thing because I was not busy. For the actual Thanksgiving, Sam and I went over to Mary and Josh’s house. Mary is my prayer partner so she invited us over to her house where their annual tradition consists of eating turkey chili, junk food and watching TV. It was so nice not having to stress and just chill (plus I fell in love with gooey pumpkin bars). Sam tried to teach me how to play chess and I lost with great elegance, I knew Sam was going to win from the start (he is too humble to admit he is the chess champion). I also got to Face Time with my family before they were about to have Thanksgiving lunch, that was especially important to me because Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and it was the first Thanksgiving that I didn't spend it with family (but having three Thanksgivings this year was pretty cool.) Other than that my weekend was pretty boring. It was relaxing because I had nothing to do, but because I had nothing to do that allowed space for me to feel bored and depressed (ambivert remember?)

Tuesday my slump was so bad that I ended up having to call Mary to see if I can come over. The one thing that I really enjoy about DOOR LA is that all the dwellers are required to have a prayer partner. Not only are prayer partners good to have for spiritual development; they are also good for social purposes. They can tell you what places to check out and would be happy to do so with you, especially Mary who is very resourceful and knows a lot of people. Tuesday, I was telling Mary about how if I am not busy, I tend to over think which can be a bad thing sometimes. This was something she said she could relate to and was able to give me some good advice. One thing that came out of that conversation was that we agreed to go on a Saturday outing. We went to Universal City/ Studio City and had lunch at In N Out and stocked up at Michaels for the Christmas store (plus the little artist in me loves Michaels). I was pretty tired by the time that I got home but it was so nice to rejuvenate by being busy for that day. A lot of the rejuvenation had to do with me going to Universal City, I was away from Hollywood and I was away from downtown LA, I was in a new environment. I always find something refreshing in going to a new place just to escape my familiar environment.

I also made plans next weekend as well so hopefully the feeling of being bored won’t take over me. I will be going home for the holidays, so hopefully by the time I return I can continue to stay even busier.  I honestly think part of the slump will be defeated once I go home and rejuvenate with my family and my fury baby. That has been what a bunch of the YAVAs have told me. Being able to connect to the YAVAs (even if it’s only online or phone) has helped because they KNOW about the slump. They can empathize and not sympathize. If anything good came out of the slump, it has been able to reach out to the YAVAs and form connections with them. I can be completely vulnerable online about my slump that I am currently in because I have hope that something good will come out of it. I don’t know when or how that will be but I am human. I am allowed to feel the good and the bad, I’m allowed to cry, I’m allowed to brave, strong and vulnerable. When I signed up to be a YAV, I knew I was signing up for the struggles that come with it as well.