Being Intentional During Orientation

Growth. That is the first word that comes to mind when I think about YAV orientation, growth: spiritual, emotional, and intellectual growth. The discussion during orientation was mainly about racism and privilege. This is a subject that nobody wants to discuss because of the fears associated with race and discrimination. I am not except from those fears, I am also afraid of having those tough conversations. This made the first couple of days at Stony Point very draining. The truth is, I can go on and on about everything we talked about during that week, but I want to write a blog post not a novel. I will, however, tell you a story about how I grew emotionally over this week. I would like to first say that I received permission from this YAV to share the story. I hope this YAV also grew emotionally through this story like I did.

 I was having lunch Tuesday or Wednesday with this YAV as well as a couple other YAVs. We discussed several things, including how we receive energy. I told the group that I am pretty extraverted sometimes but because of past I shy more towards the introvert side. I went into a brief explanation of why that is and this YAV then said, “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry, really? I knew the guy was just trying to show sympathy but it came off more as pity, which is something I don’t need. I didn't know how to react to it at the time, because I was so physically drained, but later I sent a Facebook message the next day saying that he said something offensive (for a lack of a better word) to me, and if we could talk about it.

He had no hesitation in agreeing to discuss the problem in length and throughout the whole day when our groups were in New York City we were facebooking about when would be a good time. I could tell that he really cared about being intentional.We agreed to meet after worship, during which time I was thinking about how to eloquently phrase everything. Now, I have no problem being vulnerable with people, but as a woman, it is kind of awkward being vulnerable with a guy that I just met less than 48 hours ago.

I calmly explained to him how what he said made me unsettled. It turned out that he was a little worried when he got me Facebook message because he did not want to make me upset. I tried to explain that is what not a big deal and not to worry about it (but really I was just covering up my vulnerability) but he begged to differ. He said that all feelings are valid and he is sorry that he offended me (Can you PLEASE talk to all my guy friends?) He continued to explain his thought process and how he interpreted the conversation during lunch. We both process emotions very differently but we were both respectful of how our thought processes work. Orientation was very emotionally intense so it was nice to create space with him for both of us to vent.

One thing about orientation is that we talk a lot about calling someone out and calling someone in. Calling someone in is much more intentional and inclusive than calling someone out. Near the end of the talk he thanked me for being honest with him and calling him out on his mistake. I think he was being much harder on himself than I was. I tried to be sympathetic to our different upbringings; I did not yell at, pass judgment, or showed any negative behaviors that would have showed that I called him out. Instead I called him in. I explained that what he said upset me, and I called him in to be more sensitive. As YAVS and as dwellers we are called to invite people into a space of sensitivity and understanding. I am just thankful that he was willing to receive that invitation; I can tell he has a good heart. I respect him for listening to me with an open heart and mind, and at the same time respecting and honoring my emotions that I was feeling. I asked him during a break in the week if I could share this story with people, because this story is just as much his as it is mine. As YAVs and dwellers, no as people of the Earth, the most loving thing we can do is listen to each other’s stories with a full heart. Our stories, our paths, are what connect us as humans. This is something that I will need to remind myself for the year to come.