Growth. That is the first word that comes to mind when I
think about YAV orientation, growth: spiritual, emotional, and intellectual
growth. The discussion during orientation was mainly about racism and
privilege. This is a subject that nobody wants to discuss because of the fears
associated with race and discrimination. I am not except from those fears, I am
also afraid of having those tough conversations. This made the first couple of
days at Stony Point very draining. The truth is, I can go on and on about everything we talked
about during that week, but I want to write a blog post not a novel. I will,
however, tell you a story about how I grew emotionally over this week. I would
like to first say that I received permission from this YAV to share the story.
I hope this YAV also grew emotionally through this story like I did.
I was having lunch Tuesday
or Wednesday with this YAV as well as a couple other YAVs. We discussed several
things, including how we receive energy. I told the group that I am pretty
extraverted sometimes but because of past I shy more towards the introvert
side. I went into a brief explanation of why that is and this YAV then said,
“I’m sorry.” I’m sorry, really? I
knew the guy was just trying to show sympathy but it came off more as pity,
which is something I don’t need. I didn't know how to react to it at the time,
because I was so physically drained, but later I sent a Facebook message the
next day saying that he said something offensive (for a lack of a better word)
to me, and if we could talk about it.
He had no hesitation in agreeing to discuss the problem in
length and throughout the whole day when our groups were in New York City we
were facebooking about when would be a good time. I could tell that he really
cared about being intentional.We agreed to meet after worship, during which time I was
thinking about how to eloquently phrase everything. Now, I have no problem
being vulnerable with people, but as a woman, it is kind of awkward being
vulnerable with a guy that I just met less than 48 hours ago.
I calmly explained to him how what he said made me
unsettled. It turned out that he was a little worried when he got me Facebook
message because he did not want to make me upset. I tried to explain that is
what not a big deal and not to worry about it (but really I was just covering
up my vulnerability) but he begged to differ. He said that all feelings are
valid and he is sorry that he offended me (Can you PLEASE talk to all my guy
friends?) He continued to explain his thought process and how he interpreted
the conversation during lunch. We both process emotions very differently but we
were both respectful of how our thought processes work. Orientation was very
emotionally intense so it was nice to create space with him for both of us to
vent.
One thing about orientation is that we talk a lot about
calling someone out and calling someone in. Calling someone in is much more
intentional and inclusive than calling someone out. Near the end of the talk he
thanked me for being honest with him and calling him out on his mistake. I
think he was being much harder on himself than I was. I tried to be sympathetic
to our different upbringings; I did not yell at, pass judgment, or showed any
negative behaviors that would have showed that I called him out. Instead I
called him in. I explained that what he said upset me, and I called him in to
be more sensitive. As YAVS and as dwellers we are called to invite people into
a space of sensitivity and understanding. I am just thankful that he was
willing to receive that invitation; I can tell he has a good heart. I respect
him for listening to me with an open heart and mind, and at the same time
respecting and honoring my emotions that I was feeling. I asked him during a
break in the week if I could share this story with people, because this story
is just as much his as it is mine. As YAVs and dwellers, no as people of the
Earth, the most loving thing we can do is listen to each other’s stories with a
full heart. Our stories, our paths, are what connect us as humans. This is
something that I will need to remind myself for the year to come.